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The stranger and I had a tender conversation in which he did most of the talking . He was awestruck by what had just happened to him, and I was able to witness his amazement and gratitude. Years later, I think of our connection as a gift.
Great post and I totally agree with the No Chat policy on airplanes. I think it's nice to be pleasant, but I don't want to spend the whole flight chatting. As a busy parent, I relish the time alone to read, think, listen to music, or just relax watching some movie I would never otherwise see in my real life. The worst experience for me was on a trip home from Disney with my family when someone tried to sell me some kind of healing berry juice. Talk about being trapped! Talk about looking for the exits!
(Technically, that's true, right? I mean I just filled out a little box on your blog...)
@Peter Kim -- You've inspired me. I'm going to practice this: "I'm on furlough from the women's penitentiary. Where do you live? How close are your neighbors? Do you have any valuables at home? Do you leave your purse unattended while you go to the restroom?"
@Rona -- A pretty amazing story. Sounds like a great movie script actually.
@Steve -- You might be right about the NE thing... and no, you can't steal my idea.
Nice job, as usual. Humans. We are so weird, sometimes.
2 types on an airplane, for sure. I don't mind chatting a bit, but I really dislike the cold ones.
The ones who put their headphones on right away, and are making it known that they don't want to be bothered. For some reason, it is a real turn off for me.
Anyway, I have not been flying too much lately, but when I do, of course NOW, I'll think about what yo just wrote about.
Thanx.
I think.
The Franchise King
Joel Libava
My problem with chat or not is that I switch, flight to flight, trip to trip, depending on factors as random as battery power remaining on devices, thinking power remaining in head, talking power remaining in head, and so on.
And you remind me of that awkward moment when, 20 minutes into the flight, I realize I've started this out wrong. I should have dived into my book, or laptop, or whatever. And now I have to deliver that cutoff line ... explaining why I don't want to talk anymore.
Thanks for another really good post.
Tim
I don't get to fly much anymore, but when I was involved with a nonprofit in a national leadership position, I flew much more often than normal (which is rarely, to be honest). Like Tim, I tend to switch from flight to flight, even on the same day. It really depends on my seatmate.
Once, I had a fantastic seatmate, but for a very short flight. I was telling him about the work I did with the nonprofit (cancer-related) and all the programs and services they offer, and he was telling me about his experience with the disease. At one point, he stopped and told me I had generated so much positive karma that I'd have to do something seriously bad (I can't remember what exactly, but it was outlandish and funny given the circumstances) to counteract that. He was a screenwriter, so I like to tell myself that he's written me as a character in his movie, though we never exchanged names.
He also apologized for talking so much... but said it was because he was nervous about flying and needed a distraction. I was happy to comply :)
I got back about a week ago from 3 days in DC, which for me is a flight across the country, so this is very timely.
Despite being gregarious in most social settings (and whipping out business cards in case I can connect this new friend to my university somehow, or to bike commuting resources), I find that on really long flights I tend to dive into a book, a reading backlog of professional papers, or my laptop.
Not only is there the prospect of having a chatty interaction turn into the airline equivalent of a bad blind date, but it's also one of the few times that I truly, absolutely cannot check email, voice mail, Google Reader, Twitter, Facebook, or any other space that requires me to interact and communicate.
I think it's a haven of silence, which is rare in our plugged-in, turned-on, webified world. Unless I wind up next to you someday, in which case I will want to pick your brain mercilessly.
@BarbChamberlain
For better or worse, curiosity gets the best of me, and I can't resist learning something about my seat mate. On one flight my companion had extreme OCD tendencies, and I started looking for an empty seat. He begged me to stay, and we soon discovered we had the same birthday. We met for dinner with our wives at The Harvest in Cambridge, and have been helpful to each other with business on occasion. Sadly, most of the time, I find myself desperately retreating to my book before take off.
My social ineptness shows up less on a plane, however, and much more in unstructured social situations with lots of people all chatting with one another, yet, oddly, none of them with me. At least on a plane, I only have to contend with one or two people. That's manageable.
Then I think of my ex-hub. He met wifey #3 on a business flight.
Maybe I need to rethink my travel policy. ;]
What's not so great -- and this is worse in the close quarters of coach, where I travel when I'm on my own dime -- is when people fall asleep and start farting. God, I hate that.
Great post, Ann.
Oh, and if you want to shut people up? "I work at a student loan company. You're not behind on your payments, are you?"
In my last job, I traveled about 50% of the time. One of my last flights was quite memorable - the gentlemen across the aisle from me reached across and tapped me. I look up, puzzled and distracted, taking out my headphones. He introduces himself and notes out loud that I must love to read. At this point, I am even more puzzled. I am reading and I imagine that I looked like I enjoyed it. Why interrupt me?
He asks me if I would be so kind as to read the first chapter of the novel (his first) that he is writing and give him my opinion. Wow... I never saw that coming and have no idea what to say or do. In the end, I agree to read it. He was clearly passionate and struggling to learn how to put that passion into words. But how on earth do you give a critique of any kind to a complete stranger with whom you are about to spend the next four hours in a small space? For my case, I attempted to be gracious and supportive and then dive back into my book. Brave fellow though - asking a total stranger to read his heart poured into words. Have to admire that!
Great post as always. I will forever think of you when I get on my next flight (I have a few coming up).
Me, I'm the chit chatter! I think you would have guessed that about me though. I do however size up the person next to me and I'm more than fine and respect the personal space if I immediately note the person next to me is not. Book/ipod and so on have given it away to me as well. Having grown up with a sister who is probably a lot like you Ann (shy and private), I am keen to respect people who are like that as well.
Having said that, what I love is that if people do want to talk... I'm amazed at the stories that come out (ie: the above post about going to see a son he never new he had etc). I do think for some of us, telling a complete stranger something personal, can be very freeing. It can be like therapy without having to pay or get all emotional cuz that person isn't going to question your motives or judge you. They don't know enough about you.
To the guy who said something about being a tire salesman. For the record, my husband works for the largest independent tire retailer and before he was one of their AVP's running the Nevada region - he was a tire salesman in a store. It actually creates a ton of conversation and people want to always know if they got a good deal on their set of 4 or what they should be putting on their cars etc. It definitely doesn't shut people up.
I think the two categories do come down to - are you an introvert or an extrovert and that will probably define who you are on the plane. Me, I love people. I love learning about them. I love connecting with them anywhere - anytime. it actually fills my soul. The key is to have us extroverts/chit chatters be respectful of those who don't.
Keep the posts coming Ann!
Dana
Well on a recent flight I'm sitting on the isle seat of a three-seat row, a woman is sitting next to the window. We are told by the pilot that the flight will be delayed, she groans and makes some comment, then we exchange the 'where are you going?' chit-chat, then I assume we are about to return to radio silence.
Then she notices the book I have, and remarks 'Oh! You're reading Groundswell, how do you like it?' Now I am interested because she's actually heard of Groundswell, and she begins telling me that she is flying to NYC on business, she creates videos for organizations. I immediately am reminded of my friend Thomas Clifford (Director Tom), and now want to learn more about what she's doing, when....
The Interruptor arrives.
The Interruptor announces his presence, and informs us that he's in the middle seat. Now normally, this wouldn't be a big deal, at worst, The Interruptor would sit down between us, the woman would politely finish her thought about her work, and that would be the end of our exchange.
But it seems that The Interruptor has smuggled a secret passenger onto this flight, his Massive Body Odor. Nothing kills semi-idle chit-chat with a stranger like the arrival of another stranger, who stinks. So The Interruptor sits down, and finally, he makes the obligatory call to a friend to give them the play-by-play of the plane's being delayed, where he is, and how he won't make it home tonight in time for....whatever. I can't remember what it was all about, but as you said Ann, a 3-row radius heard all about it.
This is another reason why I want to invest in a good pair of noise-canceling headphones.
This post (and Mack's comment) made me laugh... and think.
I'm a chatter. I'm also a reader, a sleeper, a worker on a plane.
I've learned a lot talking with people on planes - sometimes I just get lucky. If my flight mate is a non-chatter, exchanging pleasantries is the furthest it goes. Makes the slight knee touch a bit less awkward, while still respecting personal space/boundaries.
to Dana.
Looks like Mack's wit rivals yours. If you two ever posted together I'd never get anything done! (Mack I loved the comment about the smuggled secret passenger - too true!) :)
I also am very introverted and have trouble making small talk. I have a hard time going back to my own book or music once a conversation has started as I always worry about hurting the other person's feelings, regardless of how into the conversation I am. In order to avoid all discomfort I simply tune everything out as soon as possible. Books, newspapers and my ipod are my refuge on a plane.
I've also discovered that I must have a secret switch in my rear that's triggered by airplane seats and the passenger seat in a car. I simply cannot stay awake! So even if I was inclined to chat it would be a matter of time before I was nodding off mid-conversation - which would give me a whole other reason to feel bad.
I avoid talking to the person next to me on the plane at all costs. I try to not even get started, so that it won't go any further and they won't try to engage me.
My mother, on the other hand, is terrified of flying, and will engage the person next to her in conversation, whether they are willing or not. She doesn't take "no" for an answer.
Thus, I find myself falling into the non-chat category. Let's be pleasant and acknowledge each other but let's otherwise sit together, because we must, and non-chat.
Your #5 item makes my list too!
I have been hacked and horked on so many times it's a wonder I've lived to tell about it.
@bostonmike
Me, I am definitely not a talker. I love plane travel for one reason: I can read uninterrupted.
But there was one time I flew to Europe and talked for HOURS to a woman roughly 60 years my senior and loved every second of it. One of the best conversations I've ever head.
Jeff
The only time I talk to other passengers is when I ask them to put their seat back up and out of my lap because I'm "claustrophobic."
hey...whatever works!
Love the photo, too..where ever did you find it?
Well, here's to personal space...
Jo
I'm older & wiser now - we traveled all the way from the Africa to the US (two 8+ hour flights) with a 1-year-old. The first leg was one of the worst nights of my life. But I'm much more tolerant of parents with babies than I used to be!
I rarely go out of my 3 mile radius, but when I do, and have to fly, I take somewhat of a different approach.
Instead of just being grumpy with everyone that is crowding me, I usually pick out one person waiting at the gate and point him out to whomever I’m with.
(or who ever tries to strike up a conversation with me)
“I hate that guy” is the usual response, then give him the old Bdot Hairy eyeball. (Ann, you might call it the Handley Glare)
It makes for a much more pleasant flight for the rest of the mob. (which I also hate, but they don’t know it).
All In all it makes for a much better flight for me.
@ Mack: I think you found him…….”I hate that guy”
As she made her way into our aisle she kindled informed me that she had a dog but that he would not be a problem. I'm not sure if she meant the constant barking for our 2.5 hour flight or the fact that as our flight attendant was doing the safety announcement she became very upset when "The Dog Smuggler" waited for her to ask "is there a dog on here" 5 times before finally admitting to it.
I do love dogs just not yapping at me on a plane!
If anyone wants to add to my book please send me ideas. If you want I will put your name and city next to the idea. Thanks, JIM
If anyone wants to add to my book please send me ideas. If you want I will put your name and city next to the idea. Thanks, JIM
My e-mail address is travelbook@cinci.rr.com
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Testing chat catcher functionality
I was getting NY scoop from a total stranger on a plane from LA!
But I also gauge the level if interest of the other person. If we hit it off, then we can chat for hours. Otherwise it's over to the book, the inflight movie or the trusty iPod.
Since I usually am flying with my 4 year old (who was recently an infant/toddler) I do make eye contact with passengers around us, and let them know - my child is my responsibility and if a seat is kicked please let me know if I miss it. But then with my son seated at the window, my back is usually the outer "wall" of our private cube on the plane.
I've noticed most "talkers" are not frequent fliers and talk out of excitement, fear, or uncertainty.
Noise canceling headphones are fabulous -for passengers of all ages - for many reasons!
And one more food to add? Tuna.
Mutual respect on planes goes a long way....
Think it'll be hard to have a repeat experience nowadays (though...you never know) as I usually have my noise-cancelling headphones on! Great invention, by the way.
I agree - I would rather forgo a potential acquaintance than risk awkward conversation. But maybe that's the issue? Could we all put ourselves out there "in real life" more, invest a bit more in people we meet face to face? Probably.
In high school, I discovered I had a natural talent for public speaking--I won several awards, was selected as an "Outstanding Senior" in speech, and was even elected (by juniors and seniors) to speak at Graduation! There was no public-speaking program in college, but I discovered Toastmasters International--and have won one award after another in it!
And I prefer speaking to a group of strangers (no matter how large), over conversing with a known acquaintance, friend, or relative! Even the women to whom I'm most attracted are strangers!
I've had both good and uncomfortable flight-mate experiences, but the uncomfortable ones are the funniest.
Like the case of sitting next to the silver-haired Oregon hippie who spent 15 minutes fiddling in his bag on my seat while I waited to sit down, and then told me the pathetically boring story of his slacker life. Fortunately, I only was doomed to spend half of a 6-hour flight listening because then he turned to the man on his left who had been (presumably) muttering prayers using roughly hewn prayer beads and what looked like playing cards depicting scenes of human torture while sweating profusely and giving us the shifty eye. They somehow connected on slacker lifestyles and I could retreat to my book while the guy across the aisle from me gave me a sympathetic eyeroll and convulsed in fits of silent laughter.
I also sat next to enthusiastic young consultant from McKinsey who insisted on telling me every detail of his current consulting gig, despite the fact that 5 minutes into his monologue I realized -- and told him -- that he was consulting for a direct competitor of mine and really should not tell me any more. Didn't slow him down a bit.
But perhaps the most heart-sinking line to hear from the smartly dressed woman who has just plopped down next to you as you are settling in for a 3 hour flight is, "So, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?"
People are fascinating.