Better to have loved and been rejected than not loved at all. :)
Its a matter of looking at the right (or wrong) comparisons. I look at your writing and keep asking myself the same question - why do I bother to write?
Then I remember because I enjoy it and its fun for me. Regardless of how painful it is for my audience. :)
Great work, dont give up writing BTW.
Connie Reece
· 1 year ago
I think all writers must have the same voice in their head: "You're nothing but a hack compared to So-and-So ..." Beautifully written, Ann. Embarrassed to say I recognized myself in your story of throwing the spelling bee.
Mario Vellandi
· 1 year ago
Comparing oneself to an author one admires can be a humbling experience to say the least - to take it further and imagine a limited capacity to one's creative talent is human, but cruel. The author is like the artist, and only they know when an object is complete, not according to some worldly comparative artistic standard of higher niveau, but to one's own satisfaction and liking - when intuition takes over the driver's seat from logical analysis, and tells you - all is beautiful and well.
Toby
· 1 year ago
.. so I think why should I pull up one more virtual page to tap mundane thoughts when Ann Handley's writing is crisp, funny, insightful and continues to remind me of my own humanity. Then I remember her words .. my attempts at creativity are part of my reality and growth. Thank you again dear Ann.
Eric Eggertson
· 1 year ago
Not everything I write is going to be profound.
Once I get past that roadblock, I'll be fine. Thanks for sharing the story.
Steve Woodruff
· 1 year ago
Throwing a spelling bee provides you with an amusing, if poignant, memory. Throwing your stories and words out here provides us with a pleasant glimpse into your memories and insights. Which, btw, may be far more important than perfectly-crafted words.
How many supermodel-types obsess over their imperfections, and secretly convince themselves that they are actually ugly? There's always someone we perceive to be better than us.
Sometimes, I admit, I just want to throw my blogging/writing/involvement overboard and give up. Yet who are we to imply that we have no value?? So-and-so may be "better", but he or she is not me! Or Ann...
Sean
· 1 year ago
Hey Ann,
I had a wonderful chat with a Ms. Michelle Perras the other night and she mentioned that "Craft would save the world."
It hearkened me back to Ursula Franklin's amazing book taken from her lecture on "The Real World of Technology".
And here I sit the next morning reading your touching tale of craft realized and avoided. I too have avoided my craft at a younger age. To the point that I couldn't go and see a play or movie as it was too "painful." So I would let my friends go off alone while I avoided my passion.
Wonderful article, Ann!
Ann Handley
· 1 year ago
I know I waded into some murky water here... but I'm heartened to know I'm not the only one who wrestles with this.... uh... bear.
Sean: I *totally* get that... as effed up as that kind of thinking is, I get it....
Dan Schawbel
· 1 year ago
Anything that is "easier" won't yield as much results. You get out of life what you put in and if you focus your energy on becoming better, even if it's competitive, then there will be a greater payoff.
Christian Gulliksen
· 1 year ago
I'm lucky, I think -- or perhaps an arrogant sonuvabitch -- because I tend to have the opposite experience. The more I thrill to someone's work, the more I feel the tug of my laptop; I can hardly get through a paragraph of Joan Didion because she makes me want to go and write. Ditto for great dialogue at a movie; my mind wanders to something I'm working on, and I lose focus just when I should be paying attention.
Your discussion of Richard Price reminds me a little of Mario Puzo, who didn't know from the mafia, but created a world in The Godfather that actual mafioso embraced as their own. Cool when that happens.
Linda Sherman
· 1 year ago
Ann, thank you for this great discussion. Well written, as usual.
Steve, I think you bring up a good point about super models and other women who base their self esteem on their comparative beauty. An interesting reminder of how eating disorders are born.
Having spent a chunk of my adult life overseas working in different languages, I have learned to be kind to myself with regards to my self-expression and can get wowed by others without feeling less myself.
Ann Handley
· 1 year ago
Christian - Well, perhaps you ARE an arrogant sonuvabitch (!), but I doubt it. In fact, I don't think we are unlike. Like I said, when I’m rested and reasonable and caffeinated, such loathing seems absurd. I am inspired by the likes of Franzen and Didion (yes! "Where I Was From" is one of my favorites). But when I'm tired or otherwise vulnerable (like when I was young), I can easily get mired in this negative kind of thinking.... I wrote this, in part, to exorcise it.
Becky Carroll
· 1 year ago
I think it is all too easy to compare ourselves to others and wonder whether we really measure up. However, each of us our own, unique voice that no one else can duplicate, and that is what makes each of us special.
You have inspired so many, Ann. Thank you for opening yourself to us and sharing where you came from.
Tinu
· 1 year ago
Ann, I go through this SO often, but ironically not with my writing (it's the one area I'm confident about. I'm no Hemingway, but I'm damned good in my genre.)
Where I have this issue is professionally. I'm like, man, how come x wrote about this and got so much attention, i said that last week... or how come people love my y article, there's 8 billlion typos in it - oh the shame!
I'm going to think about the bear though, next time. Only I can know, that's true. And that would make a good story for a company name...
Jeff Reid
· 1 year ago
So, as you read Franzen, you see the characters in "the movie in your mind". And if the studios ever made a movie, what actors could play those roles? "The Discomfort Zone" and Franzen's other novels are listed at storycasting.com where you can tinker with being a virtual casting director. It's fun to play around, get some feedback from other people, sometimes just clarify what people look like from another reader's point of view.
Mack Collier
· 1 year ago
I think what we ALL do is, we try to imitate the other writer's VOICE to a degree. I do it as well, I will read something by another writer that I just love, then without even realizing it, I will find myself adopting their tone and style, because I fool myself into thinking that if it works for them, it will work for them.
It won't. Their voice isn't my voice and my voice isn't their's. We all have to find and speak with our own cadence. And the world will be a much better and more interesting place, if we can.
Christian Gulliksen
· 1 year ago
I've got a new tagline, baby!
Christian Gulliksen Arrogant Sonuvabitch ™
So, basically, is it fair to say that you'll look more favorably (read: with green-eyed jealousy) on the brilliance that is my writing if I deliver late at night? I'd rather not send you into a spiral of despair that wouldn't exist in the morning, but if it makes me look better...I guess I can handle the guilt :) Because I'm an Arrogant Sonuvabitch ™
Julie
· 1 year ago
Wow! I love reading the slants everyone puts on what they've read... What it highlights and brings out for them... Even a new tagline! What a wonderful lot we all are.!! And you bring us to that place... Wow. Thanks Ann. xx
Karen Swim
· 1 year ago
Ann, you uttered words that were in my heart. I too was that little girl who struggled with competitiveness but threw things on my own terms. Like you I often have that mix of inspiration and self loathing and it appears by the comments that so many of us do. You are a wonderful writer and you have shaped this piece in a way no one else can.
Shelley
· 1 year ago
Weird timing, Ann... I was just looking through my collection of favorite quotes yesterday. Two of them:
Our admiration of fine writing will always be in proportion to its real difficulty and its apparent ease. -Charles Caleb Colton, author and clergyman (1780-1832)
A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. -Thomas Mann, novelist, Nobel laureate (1875-1955)
Dusan Vrban
· 1 year ago
I cannot imagine how we would communicate here if many people before us haven't had what it takes to make their bear round and full and invented electricity.
Alan Wolk
· 1 year ago
I know that little girl well Ann. I was the boy who didn't see why I should stick with basketball if there were going to be people who were better than me. Who didn't see why I should bother to keep writing short stories if they weren't going to be published in the New Yorker.
It wasn't until last year that I really internalized the fact that all the people getting out on words I could easily spell didn't have some secret formula. They just put themselves out there and risked failure. But mostly they just put themselves out there.
Which is the beauty of the internet- the need to stop worrying about gatekeepers and letting the audience find us.
Somehow I think, that to psyches like ours, there's something far more appealing about that.
Angela
· 1 year ago
I felt that way after reading "The Time Traveler's Wife." And oddly, sometimes I feel that way after reading "Dooce."
Nettie Hartsock
· 1 year ago
This is totally how I feel when I read anything by Julie Hecht, David Sedaris, Erma Bombeck, Richard Russo or Roy Blount Jr..
Roy Blount Jr. in responding to a letter I wrote to him almost 15 years ago, did give me some great advice, stating , "If you can't but not write, then you're a writer." (Sure that letter was also telling me he could not marry me on David Letterman as I had hoped, but still, it's good advice.)
E.B. White gave him that advice in a letter years before when Blount wrote to him asking him to read some of his stuff. (Blount did not ask E.B. White to marry him though.) :>)
So I think the key is to just keep writing. Keep writing, because you are already a great writer by virtue of continuously doing it despite all odds.
All Comments
Its a matter of looking at the right (or wrong) comparisons. I look at your writing and keep asking myself the same question - why do I bother to write?
Then I remember because I enjoy it and its fun for me. Regardless of how painful it is for my audience. :)
Great work, dont give up writing BTW.
Once I get past that roadblock, I'll be fine. Thanks for sharing the story.
How many supermodel-types obsess over their imperfections, and secretly convince themselves that they are actually ugly? There's always someone we perceive to be better than us.
Sometimes, I admit, I just want to throw my blogging/writing/involvement overboard and give up. Yet who are we to imply that we have no value?? So-and-so may be "better", but he or she is not me! Or Ann...
I had a wonderful chat with a Ms. Michelle Perras the other night and she mentioned that "Craft would save the world."
It hearkened me back to Ursula Franklin's amazing book taken from her lecture on "The Real World of Technology".
And here I sit the next morning reading your touching tale of craft realized and avoided. I too have avoided my craft at a younger age. To the point that I couldn't go and see a play or movie as it was too "painful." So I would let my friends go off alone while I avoided my passion.
Wonderful article, Ann!
Sean: I *totally* get that... as effed up as that kind of thinking is, I get it....
Your discussion of Richard Price reminds me a little of Mario Puzo, who didn't know from the mafia, but created a world in The Godfather that actual mafioso embraced as their own. Cool when that happens.
Steve, I think you bring up a good point about super models and other women who base their self esteem on their comparative beauty. An interesting reminder of how eating disorders are born.
Having spent a chunk of my adult life overseas working in different languages, I have learned to be kind to myself with regards to my self-expression and can get wowed by others without feeling less myself.
You have inspired so many, Ann. Thank you for opening yourself to us and sharing where you came from.
Where I have this issue is professionally. I'm like, man, how come x wrote about this and got so much attention, i said that last week... or how come people love my y article, there's 8 billlion typos in it - oh the shame!
I'm going to think about the bear though, next time. Only I can know, that's true. And that would make a good story for a company name...
It won't. Their voice isn't my voice and my voice isn't their's. We all have to find and speak with our own cadence. And the world will be a much better and more interesting place, if we can.
Christian Gulliksen
Arrogant Sonuvabitch ™
So, basically, is it fair to say that you'll look more favorably (read: with green-eyed jealousy) on the brilliance that is my writing if I deliver late at night? I'd rather not send you into a spiral of despair that wouldn't exist in the morning, but if it makes me look better...I guess I can handle the guilt :) Because I'm an Arrogant Sonuvabitch ™
xx
Our admiration of fine writing will always be in proportion to its real difficulty and its apparent ease.
-Charles Caleb Colton, author and clergyman (1780-1832)
A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.
-Thomas Mann, novelist, Nobel laureate (1875-1955)
It wasn't until last year that I really internalized the fact that all the people getting out on words I could easily spell didn't have some secret formula. They just put themselves out there and risked failure. But mostly they just put themselves out there.
Which is the beauty of the internet- the need to stop worrying about gatekeepers and letting the audience find us.
Somehow I think, that to psyches like ours, there's something far more appealing about that.
Roy Blount Jr. in responding to a letter I wrote to him almost 15 years ago, did give me some great advice, stating , "If you can't but not write, then you're a writer." (Sure that letter was also telling me he could not marry me on David Letterman as I had hoped, but still, it's good advice.)
E.B. White gave him that advice in a letter years before when Blount wrote to him asking him to read some of his stuff. (Blount did not ask E.B. White to marry him though.) :>)
So I think the key is to just keep writing. Keep writing, because you are already a great writer by virtue of continuously doing it despite all odds.