Excellent way to discuss two sides of social media connectivity. Although a man, not a woman or a teenager who might (or might not) be more vulnerable to the dark side of social connectivity, I get it.
I often worry when I invite another person to link with me, knowing they might not know me. Although careful to choose others based on their business experiences, it remains a concern, as inviting a stranger to be a "friend" is weird by any definition. Of course, most of our aren't inviting others to become friends, unless we have already begun the relationship-building process. We are, instead, inviting them to begin that relationship-building process via social media.
I could go on, but shouldn't. Good post Ann.
Mack Collier
· 1 year ago
This is another reason why I was determined to go to some conferences/meetups this year, because it's just too easy to be someone's 'friend' online. I now have more 'friends' on Twitter than on Facebook, but often I will see someone leaving a tweet and think to myself 'I have no idea who that is or why I am following them'.
I remember when I first started blogging I would scratch my head at some bloggers that just constantly went on and on about going to conferences. It makes a lot more sense to me now.
Nedra
· 1 year ago
I have such a strange mix of friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances and virtual strangers that it is very hard to manage the info I post. I basically have 2 levels of privacy settings, where I will only allow access to things like my status updates, personal info, photos, etc if I actually have a preexisting relationship with someone. But there are fine gradations in between. I would love if Facebook would let us set different contexts to put people into, so we could for example post biz-related info that's only shown to our work colleagues (bc it would make friends & family yawn) and personal info to our closer circle.
And I also have a creepy guy who I added who was the friend of an existing FB acquaintance who had recommended him as a business contact. He sends me "hugs" and invites me to join the "rate my hotness" app that are completely inappropriate for the reason why we had initially connected (I just ignore everything he sends). He's apparently never met a FB app he didn't like. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but come to think of it, I am getting nothing but annoyance from him. Maybe it's time to be a little UNFRIENDly.
Travis
· 1 year ago
I've yet to upload a photo or any details to my Facebook profile. It was initially fun and all seeing which retail store the people I never spoke to in high school were currently working at.
But once you realize how much you're able to see and learn about them through this little blue and white page, it's pretty scary.
I sure as hell wouldn't want any of my exes to regularly check up on my profile in hopes of finding a new picture to throw darts at.
I read an interesting post yesterday at Lisa Bettany's blog, where she described an awkward Facebook pickup:
I think Facebook is quickly becoming the new MySpace---another social movement I thankfully disregarded.
Toad
· 1 year ago
Great post Ann, great blog overall.
Great timing too. Just this week I started getting friend invites from people I didn't know. They seemed to be friends of friends, but still... it's annoying enough when the people at the very periphery of your social circle are the ones doing the most frequent status updating, group joining and twittering. But complete strangers?
@Nedra: The problem with having varying levels of privacy (as Plaxo Pulse is finding out) is that it's rare that people agree on their level of mutual intimacy. So someone you consider a casual business acquaintance might consider you a good friend or vice versa. Telling them otherwise is only going to lead to hurt feelings.
Ann Handley
· 1 year ago
Thanks, all, for your comments. I like this quote from Lewis, "We are, instead, inviting them to begin that relationship-building process via social media." In other words, naming them friends before they really are, or (in some cases) sharing access to each other when we may NEVER be friends." Sometimes that means people you've never met (as Toad says), or sometimes it means people who you really don't want to hang with (like exes or my kid!) Facebook (along with others) has changed the rules.
Ryan Karpeles
· 1 year ago
How true, Ann. I think this is something we all struggle with. And it probably won't go away for a very long time (or ever).
One of the hardest parts about managing these connections is the fact that there are no "rules." No black and white. You have to weigh everything on a case-by-case basis. Which requires time, effort, tact, patience and lots of other tricky digital-social skills that most of us have yet to master.
When you scale these difficulties over 400 (or 4,000) friends, suddenly you've got a little mess on your hands. And the more people you meet, the harder it gets.
I guess the best thing to do is to keep learning, keep trying, and keep seeing what works for YOU. Without any clear-cut rules, we have to wade through this space one relationship at a time.
Jeff Sass
· 1 year ago
Ann,
Thanks for the mention above. I figured the most appropriate way to respond under the circumstances would be in your Facebook so I also sent you this message there. I too, am very glad to have befriended you, and am glad we have had the chance to meet in the real world (forever memorialized in the INVITATIONS PSA - hehe).
Like everything -- EVERYTHING -- in life, it's all about balance, and as long as we can balance the value of social networking with the annoyances, and keep the VALUE on top, it definitely can be a worthwhile pursuit.
In the real world we choose where to live... and we usually end up with neighbors we befriend, neighbors we can't stand, neighbors we argue with and neighbors we never encounter at all. If the balance gets out of whack, and the bad neighbors start to prevail, we can always move.
Social networks aren't much different.
Glad to have you as a great neighbor!
Have a great weekend.
David Reich
· 1 year ago
I find myself starting to ignore the emails I get about Facebook friends and messages. It's getting to be a bit too much -- almost like another form of spam.
Yvonne DiVita
· 1 year ago
Ann, I find it interesting and a little surprising that something of such a social nature can so quickly become obtrusive and bothersome.
I seldom visit Facebook anymore - and wonder how so many of my 'friends' have time to poke me or invite to participate in various things. While there is a measure of valuable content on Facebook, I resist it -- relying, instead, on other social media tools...
In face, now I Twitter, instead. Something I never thought I'd do! I'm glad I have a Facebook account...but, it's not as friendly as I'd hoped. So, it's back to blogging...a social media tool that I can manage on my own terms.
Dusan
· 1 year ago
And there come even more services to make us happy together:
I have to admit to mixed feelings as well about Facebook - I've got my toe in the water over there but - and maybe this is just a function of age - I have a hard time using the word "friend" so promiscuously. Or exposing too many personal details in the on-line fishbowl. Is it old-fashioned to believe that there is value in discretion??
Tammy Allen
· 1 year ago
I don't like facebook. It's too gimmicky and difficult to navigate. I deleted my profile. I prefer myspace. I feel I made some real connections there and I will meet many of my "friends" in person someday. I'm sure of it. Plus, I made connections with people I haven't seen in years. Perhaps it's because I'm a musician. Facebook feels like fakebook to me.
Amy
· 1 year ago
I have to say I love the status updates. When I need a break from work for just a minute I find it a great way to reboot my brain without getting overly involved in something I don't have time for at the moment.
Amy
· 1 year ago
I've been thinking about your blog and an interesting thing that happened to me. A work associate of mine has a 12-year old daughter who asked me to be her friend on Facebook. I have no idea why other than she's 12 and trying to rack up as many friends as possible. So, I agreed and just kind of kept her in the background - not really paying attention to her. One day my "news feed" thing remarked that this girl had added her cell phone number. Suddenly I felt like this was very bad news. She's asking me to be her friend, so I'm assuming she's asking a lot of people she doesn't know very well and now she's posting her cell number. I felt obligated to get involved and tell my friend, her father. Now I'm getting involved in their family business and getting kids in trouble and so on and wondering if I overstepped my boundaries. Then I realized it's no different than seeing your friend's kid at a movie theater or somewhere involved in something way over her head. That "running into each other" are what communities are made of. And while it isn't always the involvement we're looking for, it the involvement community gives us. Research shows that community is very good for us. Makes us happier, healthier, live longer, etc. Will this bode true for the online community in the end? Who knows.
Ann Handley
· 1 year ago
Amy: Interesting story... I'm all for "community," BTW, but Facebook definitely changes the rules for community, if you choose to go there. Like Steve, Yvonne and others here... I've been wondering about how much I want to open myself up, and how much I want to know about others, too.
Thanks for sharing that story!
Ann Handley
· 1 year ago
Love this video... which nicely captures what I suggest here, but with far more humor:
All Comments
I often worry when I invite another person to link with me, knowing they might not know me. Although careful to choose others based on their business experiences, it remains a concern, as inviting a stranger to be a "friend" is weird by any definition. Of course, most of our aren't inviting others to become friends, unless we have already begun the relationship-building process. We are, instead, inviting them to begin that relationship-building process via social media.
I could go on, but shouldn't. Good post Ann.
I remember when I first started blogging I would scratch my head at some bloggers that just constantly went on and on about going to conferences. It makes a lot more sense to me now.
And I also have a creepy guy who I added who was the friend of an existing FB acquaintance who had recommended him as a business contact. He sends me "hugs" and invites me to join the "rate my hotness" app that are completely inappropriate for the reason why we had initially connected (I just ignore everything he sends). He's apparently never met a FB app he didn't like. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but come to think of it, I am getting nothing but annoyance from him. Maybe it's time to be a little UNFRIENDly.
But once you realize how much you're able to see and learn about them through this little blue and white page, it's pretty scary.
I sure as hell wouldn't want any of my exes to regularly check up on my profile in hopes of finding a new picture to throw darts at.
I read an interesting post yesterday at Lisa Bettany's blog, where she described an awkward Facebook pickup:
http://www.mostlylisa.com/2008/02/04/best-pick-up-line-ever/
I think Facebook is quickly becoming the new MySpace---another social movement I thankfully disregarded.
Great timing too. Just this week I started getting friend invites from people I didn't know. They seemed to be friends of friends, but still... it's annoying enough when the people at the very periphery of your social circle are the ones doing the most frequent status updating, group joining and twittering. But complete strangers?
@Nedra: The problem with having varying levels of privacy (as Plaxo Pulse is finding out) is that it's rare that people agree on their level of mutual intimacy. So someone you consider a casual business acquaintance might consider you a good friend or vice versa. Telling them otherwise is only going to lead to hurt feelings.
One of the hardest parts about managing these connections is the fact that there are no "rules." No black and white. You have to weigh everything on a case-by-case basis. Which requires time, effort, tact, patience and lots of other tricky digital-social skills that most of us have yet to master.
When you scale these difficulties over 400 (or 4,000) friends, suddenly you've got a little mess on your hands. And the more people you meet, the harder it gets.
I guess the best thing to do is to keep learning, keep trying, and keep seeing what works for YOU. Without any clear-cut rules, we have to wade through this space one relationship at a time.
Thanks for the mention above. I figured the most appropriate way to respond under the circumstances would be in your Facebook so I also sent you this message there. I too, am very glad to have befriended you, and am glad we have had the chance to meet in the real world (forever memorialized in the INVITATIONS PSA - hehe).
Like everything -- EVERYTHING -- in life, it's all about balance, and as long as we can balance the value of social networking with the annoyances, and keep the VALUE on top, it definitely can be a worthwhile pursuit.
In the real world we choose where to live... and we usually end up with neighbors we befriend, neighbors we can't stand, neighbors we argue with and neighbors we never encounter at all. If the balance gets out of whack, and the bad neighbors start to prevail, we can always move.
Social networks aren't much different.
Glad to have you as a great neighbor!
Have a great weekend.
I seldom visit Facebook anymore - and wonder how so many of my 'friends' have time to poke me or invite to participate in various things. While there is a measure of valuable content on Facebook, I resist it -- relying, instead, on other social media tools...
In face, now I Twitter, instead. Something I never thought I'd do! I'm glad I have a Facebook account...but, it's not as friendly as I'd hoped. So, it's back to blogging...a social media tool that I can manage on my own terms.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/7230686.stm
This post I love mostly, Ann. :-)
Thanks for sharing that story!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=nrlSkU0TFLs