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http://www.annhandley.com/2008/09/18/notice-to-staff-and-stakeholders-reorg/ -
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LOL.
Godspeed.
; )
Remember, it's never too late to put them up for adoption (or give them to the gypsies, as I was threatened with for about 18 years...)
And, wow, so much of this sounds familiar.
I saw a glimmer of hope though - my Coddled Teenage Boy turned his essay in after the bell and got half credt and ADMITTED it was his fault he was late. What's that about?
As the mom of two teenaged "it's all about me and you just don't understand because times have changed since the dark ages" girls, I find myself repeating the same phone conversation on a regular basis... "Hey Mom? Remember that time I ________? Sorry about that." Hopefully we'll all survive and hear the same words 30 years from now... :)
I think secession is in order here. If the subsidiaries can't abide by the financial rules, they must secede and set up their own territory, org's and rules.
It worked for my Teen subsidiary. ;-) And I lived to tell about it.
@Ellen -- You are an inspiration. Send map.
Best of luck to you!
To quote that Squeeze song again, "if I didn't love you, I'd hate you..."
Why... no, WHY do you do this to me? Is it not enough that two... TWO... successive ex-wives have crushed my manhood and desire to live, but you just keep kicking me in the gut. Why? WHY? I thought we were friends. Seriously. This hurts. Can you JUST ONCE let me be the better writer for a day or two? I keep making my little word scribbles thinking, "one day I'll beat that damned Handley and then everybody will think that I'M a smart and witty writer too!"
But no.
I sincerely hope you're happy with yourself.
It didn't matter that my Genial Underachiever division delivered far more consistent, and reasonably respectable, results. Her junior year contract renewal granted her, among other inexplicable perks, a much cooler company car than was offered to Genial Underachiever. Which is when I realized what a lame business model I had. To compete with Wild Child, I attempted a start-up called Squeaky Wheel, but it failed almost immediately. Just didn't have the passion to see it through, because it turned out that Genial Underachiever was my true brand. Egad.
But when I began to compare, I stopped very quickly.
No comparison at all.
Yours is shining with ingenious sparkles.
Please write more often.
Let's see what the CEO does when he calls for customer support then.
Is the "Minister of Wiping My Ass" position still open? Depending on the compensation package,
I would like to toss my bat into the ring.
My resume is extensive; I have several years working with animals, and am currently employed by a major international corporation as an EOBB (equal opportunity ball-buster).
Do you have a dental plan?
Bdot
And I really like your suggestion here @alan... payback will indeed be sweet.
Or something similar...at any rate - I like the dictatorship approach. My kids were allowed to make their unhappiness known, but...if it was whining or an unreasonable request, the answer was, "Conversation over." Which meant, Mom said shut up.
So bloody accurate, I almost fell off my chair laughing.
To accommodate for Armenian cultural oddities, Coddled will also assign the following duties for its Hyustan Operations:
Manager of Road Crossing – We have yet to find the person brave enough for this position. Therefore, since this task is too dangerous for exotic flowers of American youth, all Coddled staff will remain on lefthand side of street for the duration.
Director of iPod Downloading – Please note that since wireless Internet is a precious $300 per month and all downloads and uploads are separately charged, this operation must be performed at night, away from the watchful eye of parents. This is a position requiring sensitivity to the “right” kind of music; anyone caught downloading Jonas Bros. music (note to sister) will be instantly dismissed.
Senior Coordinator of Throwing Laundry on Floor – This position is very similar to the one in the U.S.; however, it tends to piss mother off even more because the washing machine is the size of a blender and the only dryer available is Mr. Golden Sun.
Armenian Outpost of Coddled is scheduled to cease operations in late December, when we are moving our plant back to Long Beach, CA and will resume regular-American-whining capabilities.
Hilarious.
Gary
There is so much to look forward to!
GREAT Post!
I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. My own Entitled Teen Boy LLC must be having meetings with your CEO! They sound like they are being run on the same business and marketing plan!
Best wishes,
Michelle